Holding Space for All during Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is just around the corner, a holiday filled with parades, family, football, and food for many. However, for others, the day could be difficult. As a country, we are still facing tough times and our celebrations may look quite different than they did pre-pandemic. There are many who struggle at this time of year. Let’s discuss some of these groups and ways you can support them during this time. Keep in mind that these groups aren’t just at your holidays’ celebration, many of them could be a part of your social media following, especially as a business!
We Are Holding Space For...
Those in Our Indigenous Communities
Our early teachings of Thanksgiving do not reveal the true history. The Wampanoag tribe was the first to encounter the pilgrims at Plymouth. The Wampanoag did not sit down for a nice turkey dinner and willingly hand over their land to European colonizers. For Indigenous communities, Thanksgiving can be a reminder of the horrible events and actions that stripped their ancestors of their Native lands and continue to affect generations after. Many Indigenous people instead view the day as National Day of Mourning with a gathering held in Plymouth for the last 52 years. They choose to fast the day before and break their fast alongside others after the event.
So what can you do? The United American Indians of New England extend their invitation to all non-Native allies to stand with Indigenous people on this day. Look to stream the event and hear the Indigenous communities speak out. Educate yourself and others beyond the whitewashed history of Thanksgiving. Maybe recognize the day as National Day of Mourning, honoring those that have had their culture stripped away. Have an open conversation with those around you. No one is saying we have to get rid of our annual fest or “thankful” attitude, but lead the conversation towards how we can change our thoughts to the reality behind this day.
If you are looking to support a non-profit or Indigenous-owned business during the holiday season here’s a list of a few to get you started. A list of additional ways Indigenous leaders suggest you support their community can be found here. And lastly, please don’t dress up like a “pilgrim” or “Native American” for your Thanksgiving Instagram post.
Those with Empty Seats at the Table
For a number of reasons, this may be the first-holiday gathering without loved ones at the table. 6.5 million Americans have lost a close relative to COVID-19. We are mourning the deaths of loved ones over the course of the pandemic due to COVID-19 or other unfortunate reasons. We are in the midst of conflicts with those we normally celebrate the holidays with because of differing views on subjects like vaccinations, leaving us to go our separate ways this time. We are unable to see family members due to travel restrictions or out of concern for their health. We may only see loved ones for a short time because they have to work hourly shifts in preparation for one of the biggest shopping weekends of the year.
And of course, we cannot look over the fact we are still in a pandemic. There are a number of helpful resources available to guide you towards a productive conversation around hard conversations, like this one around vaccines. Each of us can certainly relate to at least one of these situations above and may be hurt when seeing those empty seats. If you can, check-in with those you feel comfortable with offering a seat at your table, whether physically or virtually.
Those That Struggle with a Food Influenced Day
Out of all the many traditions that fill up this day, food is for sure the common factor for many of our celebrations. With that in mind, remember that someone at your table could be finding it hard to have a healthy relationship with food. Changing the way we speak about food is the key to creating a safe space for all. Look to refrain from calling anyone out for the food on their plate. Phrases like “Woah there, on your 2nd plate already?” and “Aren’t you going to get more than that?” are better left unsaid. You may not even realize but statements like “I ate WAY too much” or “I’m starting my diet tomorrow, I definitely just gained 10lbs” could potentially harm others’ thoughts about themselves. If you are interested in learning more ways to create a safe space here is an article with quotes from what people with eating disorders had to say about Thanksgiving.
These same types of comments could go for those at our table that are vegan or vegetarian. 1 in 10 Americans now follows a vegan or vegetarian diet at least most of the time according to a recent PEW study. It is not your place to make comments like “Just eat the turkey it’s Thanksgiving!” or “That does not look appetizing” in reference to their plant-based roast. Instead, be respectful and open to others’ views on eating animal products. If you are hosting a gathering ask your guests if any of them are vegan/vegetarian and look to accommodate them. It could be as simple as asking others to make their dishes plant-based if possible and leaving a card out listing what their dish contains. Maybe it’s the year to try that veggie roast recipe you came across -- it might just turn into your next tradition! And if a guest has brought their own food, just keep it aside and away from other food containing animal products. If they offer to share, definitely take part in trying something new!
Those That Have a Stress Filled Time
For those that spend Thanksgiving and the days leading up to it with a jam-packed schedule of shopping, planning, cleaning, cooking, and many other responsibilities, this time may simply not be enjoyable for them. 27% of Americans claimed that family drama causes them the most stress. 79% of those that are parents and/or grandparents are stressed over overcooking and grocery shopping. Here we learn that last year, 61% of those not even cooking are still stressed out! Clearly, this number isn’t shocking just from the topic of this blog. Look at your Thanksgiving celebrations and see where you can be of support or be the one to delegate tasks. Bring healthy reminders that things will always work out and it is totally okay to ask for assistance!
After reading about how Thanksgiving impacts many groups you may have a whole different perspective on how you want to celebrate the day. Of course, we support all efforts of unlearning. Do a double-take of your Thanksgiving post, asking yourself if what you are saying online could translate negatively by a follower. Maybe you are looking to re-think your strategy overall. On the last note, many around you still view this day in a positive light. If you feel inclined to have a conversation with them, do so without shaming their traditions. Instead, learn what their perspective is and have an open and honest discussion, they may have no idea what the reality this day brings for many.